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Subject: How Do You Milk a Cow? by Cledus T. Judd
Original lyrics by Toby Keith and Chuck Cannon
New lyrics by Cledus T. Judd and Chris Clark
Intro: "Farmer in the Dell" on xylophone, accompanied by mooing
G G
Yeah I was always a lazy one, a Southern Californian
F C
But I've got some kinfolk on the Mason Dixon line
G G
So this summer just for fun, I hopped in my Delorion
F C
And headed for my uncle's farm for a short time
Dm Em F G
I thought that I would be huntin' and fishin'
C F
I misunderstood him somehow
Dm Em F G
So far there's nothing but chores here to mention
C G
I didn't mind feedin' the sows
**CHORUS**
F G
But how do you milk a cow?
C F
How do you milk a cow? I wasn't in FFA
G C
This cow must think I'm crazy up under it this way
F C
I'm sittin' here a-pullin' but there ain't nothin' comin out
G C C F (play 2x)
Oh, E-I-E-I-O... how do you milk a cow?
Verse 2:
I love it here in Tennesee, but these farmers all make fun of me
Can't haul much hay in a tiny sports car
So I got myself a 4-wheel drive, learned to spotlight deer at night
And I've got shearin' sheep right down to an art
One thing's for sure, I hate shovelin' manure
It gets all over my overalls
Them horses need shoein', I hear Bessie mooin'
So I thought, maybe I'd ask you all
F G
How do you milk a cow?
C F
How do you milk a cow? I think it's safe to say
G C
A man could get arrested for this in LA
F C
This heifer must be empty 'cuz she ain't puttin 'out
G C C F (play 2x)
Oh, E-I-E-I-O... how do you milk a cow?
(Spoken:) This song is an udder disaster... I hope I don't get mad cow disease.
**CHORUS**
C F
How do you milk a cow? I no longer care
G C
I'm gettin' sick and tired of smellin' dairy air
F C
I'm headed back to Cali and I'm turnin' in my plow
G C C F (play 2x)
Oh, E-I-E-I-O... how do you milk a cow?
(End by playing "Old MacDonald had a Farm" in key)
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