novelty - "first baptist bar and grill-crd"


Subject: First Baptist Bar and Grill by Tim Wilson

First Baptist Bar and Grill
Written and Performed by Tim Wilson
On the album "Low-Class Love Affair" (1995)
Southern Track Records

Well, the church burned down and no one knew
what Penecost Baptist was gonna do
the Sunday brimstom got so dadgum hot
in burned up a church bus in the parkin' lot

...continue same chord progression

In a panick the reverend Dr. White

called up an ex-member than hadn't lived right

he owned Joe's beer joint right across the fence

it's the same Joe's he'd preached against

he said I don't really want to be a hipocrit

I got a Sunday school class that's about to shit

we're all excited about revival week

and moved by the spirit so to speak

with all the souls we saved and the money we spent

we thought God told us to sell that tent

I got a famous evangilist supposed to come

and done run out of chairs, will you loan us some?

Joe says hell you can just use the whole dang place

A9 on the jukebox "Amazing Grace"

I ain't supposed to open because of them blue laws

but we'll open tonight if it's allright with y'all

Preacher said well I reckon that'd be OK

the good Lord works in mysterious ways

I was gonna talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth

and I reckon I can do it from the DJ booth


At the First Baptist Bar and Grill

it's the only church in the bible belt that smells like a whisky still

when the sinners finish one more round

we'll have dinner on the ground

and go inside and hell, pray we don't get killed

Key Change (move all chords up 1/2 step; A#, C#, and D#)

The evangilist came with a well-dressed choir

they showed up around happy hour

looked around the joint and didn't take it real well

said the White ministry has gone to hell

Ms. Mills that taught youth Sunday school

and two deacons in the back room shootin' pool

were sharin' the Lord with a Jim Beam rep

who was teachin' Ms. Mills some line dance steps

Reverend White was readin' from the book of Luke

to a tall, drunk trucker about to puke

he had John 3:16 memorized

tryin' to dried him out to get him baptised

the evangilist yelled about the lights and the beer

said White you can't save any souls in here

this place ain't nothin' but a den of sin

ain't the kind of place Baptists ought to be in

Preacher said well we don't really need y'all here

You didn't do a very good job last year

Only saved one sinner, that's Todd McGuire

and he's the little son of a bitch that set my church on fire

Joe's beer joint has done been revived

Only been here an hour and I done saved five.

Sure it's got mirrors and a big dance floor

but I finally found the flock God called me for.


At the First Baptist Bar and Grill

it's the only church in the bible belt that smells like a whisky still

not a stained glass window anywhere in site,

just a blood-stained floor and neon lights,

and the communion wine in here is always chilled.


We're here every Sunday; We're livin' large;

We're the only church with a cover charge.

And if you don't like our doctrine and think we ain't devout,

we'll have our bouncer throw your butt out ...

of the First Baptist Bar and Grill


Keith Reding
St. Louis, MO
[email protected]